Surgery as a Catalyst: Navigating the Energetic Healing of Endometriosis
Last week the day I had been waiting for, for months, finally came! I was getting prepared for a laparoscopy to remove endometriosis and scar tissue from prior pregnancies.
The lead up to this day was extremely emotional and this blog will probably be long as per usual, but worth the read, and I’d love it if you could stick around so I feel heard and seen in this journey this far. Scattered as my thoughts may be, it is important I let them out and maybe, just maybe it’ll also help someone else.
So, I was sharing with my patient, heart-centered and kind nurse, Missi how I do not like hospital settings, and was not looking forward to the IV, especially because my husband wasn’t allowed by my side. Give me a tattoo or a home birth any day and I’m good but these settings, no thank you.
In fact, I felt very much out of control because not only was I in a surgical setting (so super vulnerable and lack of freedom) but the day before my doctors office administrative staff neglected to tell me I’d be unable to eat from 11am and on, oh and I found this out at 11:15, and would be prepping similar to a colonoscopy, so to say my nerves were shattered and hanging on by a thread at this point, whilst I was starving and thirsty, is like the understatement of the century mkay.
I chose to share all of this with Missi because I felt safe and knew she could help me feel even more comfortable, which she 100% did 💖
Anyways, I’m sitting there thinking how the hell did I end up here? Why did I chose this again?
I felt guilt because as an energy healer, we tend to believe we can “fix ourselves” and typically seek alternative medicine for healing…not western medicine, but…I reminded myself that I have tried for years to heal energetically, emotionally, spiritually and that this was the last resort, to use surgery as a catalyst and then continue to deepen my inner work even further. It’s been a big choice lately, to let go of shame and guilt wrapped around this. But I knew I needed this reset.
So I dug into my reservoir of courage. Remembered how excited I am to have my life back, to keep up with my kids and be able to travel freely without crippling pain.
I replayed an audio clip from my coach Yolanda, who reminded me that I am safe and loved, and not alone and with a lot of big deep breaths, the hours ticked by and finally I was wheeled back to the OR.
Taking one last look around me, choosing that I am trusting myself to trust others to meet my needs and I’ve controlled what I can control, I shut my eyes. Surrendering. Come what May.
Also the anesthesia was kicking in LOL🤣🤣🤣but nevertheless I wanted my last thought to be one of conscious surrender ✅
Next thing I know I’m sitting up and alert and the OR nurse is asking what my choice of snack is. (Ps I chose peanut butter crackers and water and that was the best damn meal of my life, until 2 hours later when my husband and I were in the drive through at chick fil a getting fries and a milkshake)
So, anyways the surgeon came over and discussed what she found and told me that she removed polyps, scar tissue and endometriosis from various spots in my womb and abdomen.
She then shared that she found it interesting that my endo looked more like roots, whereas with most women it’s more like tree tops/limbs.
What she said didn’t surprise me. In fact, based on the past 6 years just emotionally it made a whole lot of sense.
I decided to start researching the spiritual meaning behind endometriosis. If you’re a client or a friend of mine you know I usually do this like first thing I feel any type of pain but honestly it hadn’t really occurred to me until now because I probably avoiding it subconsciously because I definitely knew what it was…
Not feeling good about myself and being unsure of myself might have started when I was a kid. I didn't feel like I had much control in childhood, and I focused a lot on making others happy around me, and walking on eggshells to keep peace and happiness.
Fast forward to my third pregnancy when my husband at the time was having an affair. The entire pregnancy and birth was riddled with pain.
Seriously my prior two births were almost pain free so the amount of pain I felt with my daughter was daunting and truly haunting to my body and emotions.
The affair reopened the wounds of my childhood of not feeling good enough, to say the least.
As I was healing this week I felt like I was resistant to letting go of the emotional pain of the past because I really don’t know who I am without it.
I also realized how even now, the wounds are reopened every time my ex doesn’t operate with our kids best interest which is often. I could sit here and list every single thing out but what would that do other than serve my pain and root it even deeper?
What if, instead, my current husband and I focus our energy on what happens in our house. How we interact with the kids. How we treat each other. What we think and feel for one another. Nourish our friendships, instead of letting ourselves be emotionally and physically tapped out and angry from the toxicity surrounding us and our children.
So that’s my focus as fall winds up and winter is just around the corner.
I can control what I can control…I can choose to hold onto the pain, bitterness and resentment of the past and sometimes current reality, which will likely further my physical pain and symptoms or I can choose to let it go and live in the sweetness of life with myself, my husband and our sweet babies…knowing that I am good enough, deserve not only my own self love and approval, but also nothing less from those who I surround myself with.
I've been snuggling up with my favorite blankie from my grandma, useful essential oils and crystals and some of my fav womb healing books. Soaking it ALL in. Taking care of me.
I fully believe I chose this in this lifetime so that becoming a womb healer and priestess actually has meaning behind it and creates an unstoppable energy so that I can serve on a larger and grander scale to help more women.
In November when I’m back at it 🤪
Leave me your fav emoji below if you made it this far. Lots of love, thank you for reading.